Those Days

It’s just been one of those days.

You know the ones I mean. My mother calls them
“bad biorhythm days,” when everything you do blows up in your face.

I slept through my alarm, preventing me from saying goodbye to our guests and writing an email without frantic clicking and typing. I had to bake a dozen muffins in under an hour before their ride (and purpose of being) drove to Pennsylvania. I have circles under my eyes dark enough to rival football players’ eye black. I burned the carrots I was roasting for dinner into shriveled sticks of char while trying to write a post that is two days overdue. I wanted to go to the gym, but I’m a little scared of what will happen when I try to get on the elliptical. Bad as today may be, I’m going to try very hard to keep the hospital out of it.

Did I mention I have most recently brought my total commitments for the fall up to 6? Yes. I currently am straddling 6 jobs. And still planning on updating this blog daily, for the most part.

The past 2 weeks have been a struggle for me. Between house guests coming in and out, keeping up with writing projects and my internships, and fighting against my extreme introvertedness that causes me to panic when I don’t get any alone time…I’m one more charred carrot away from melting into a sobbing pile on the floor.

The funny thing is, I’m a damn idea machine. I have more ideas for upcoming posts than I have clean socks. W. T. F.

But enough about me. Let’s talk about muffins. Muffins don’t have bad biorhythm days. Muffins don’t burn their dinner at three o’clock in the afternoon. Muffins just sit on a plate, waiting for you to taste their cinnamon-y cake-like goodness.

apple cinn muffins (7)

Yes, I like muffins. Especially when they have fresh September apples in them, and it’s just starting to feel like fall outside.

Do try out this recipe and tell me what you think. I made them for my brother, who my parents are driving toward right now, muffins in tow; I imagine, however, that they would be equally as delicious in a dorm room as on your breakfast table.

At the very least, you can just stare at the picture. They do seem to have a zen-like quality about them – particularly helpful on those days.

good afternoon izzy (1)

And then there are those of us who never have such days. I like to think of them as inspiration.

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Coming Clean

If any of you just thought of Hilary Duff, please take a moment to slap yourself. I had to do the same. I’ll wait.

I realize it has been a while since I’ve updated. There is a reason. Several, actually, but it’s time to come back. I’m gonna lay it all down for you.

May

  • Graduate from college.
  • Say goodbye to your best friends in the whole world.
  • Wonder when you will actually see them again in person and not just through a series of new Facebook photos.
  • Move to a new state.
  • Start a new unpaid job that involves shaving chives. Hate every second of it.

June

  • Visit home.
  • Have graduation party where you explain your current life plan to people you haven’t seen in at least a year.
  • Explain that no, you are not currently getting paid to chop vegetables badly.
  • Eat too much cake.
  • Fly back to current state of residence.
  • Continue to shave chives. Badly.
  • QUIT first job for the first time. Have overachiever meltdown.
  • Laptop crashes 13 times in 24 hours. External hard drive refuses to turn on. Internet stops working on my netbook. Start to panic.
  • Find Italian graduate school. Completely overhaul life plan. Panic.

July

  • Stop sleeping for longer than 3 hours a night.
  • Drive 910 miles home, moving to another state. Again.
  • Put down my first dog after 11 years. Learn what grief actually is. Fall into complete depression.
  • Discover that application to Italian school involves paper chase of Olympic proportions.
  • Life plan proceeds to fall into black hole.
  • Die a little.
  • Revive. A little.
And that’s been my summer. I swear, the next time someone looks at me and says “come on, what’s the worst that can happen in 3 months?”, I’ll slap them. I think I’ve lost and gained the same 5 pounds 5 times, and have had about as many emotional breakdowns. Losing my dog kind of put the rotten cherry on top of it all; I’ve really never dealt with death before.
Sure, there have been family members I’ve heard about that I met once or twice a decade or two ago, but I grew up in a completely different part of the country from all of my extended family and while I’ve watched tragedy happen and seen how others have dealt with it, I was never really involved. And I know that some people would scoff at the idea of grieving over a dog, but she was a member of my family, and for someone whose family has only ever been the people living in this house, it was devastating. Like someone had suddenly gouged a huge hole in my life and left me to deal with it alone. That pain was like nothing I’d ever quite felt before, and I’ve been through a lot of bad stuff.
And then the utter farce that is dealing with the Italian Consulate happened. I am going to give that one a little more time because I know in a few months I will be able to laugh hysterically at it but right now, it’s just another bullet point on the $hitlist.
I know I haven’t been doing much food blogging recently. Amongst all the other crises, I’ve had a bit of a blogger identity crisis – I really don’t know where I fit in the food blog world! But I would very much like to fit, so I’ll certainly keep tapping away until I find my niche.
Anyway, I felt like I needed to just do one big post about what all has been going on in my life recently, if nothing else just to be able for me to see it all in black and white and deal with it better. I’ve been getting a lot of pressure from a lot of people to do a lot of different things and being the extreme introvert that I am, I’ve just been letting it all build up inside and writing seems to help me.
I do have a ton of pictures from various recent adventures (First visit to Charleston? Food exhibit in DC? Say WHAT?) that my crashed laptop prevented me from posting, but I think the problem is going to be fixed soon. I’ve started applying to a couple different kinds of jobs/internships and have my feet in about 5 different pools, and I’ve also started to actively search for our second dog. Because I miss my dog, and I always will, but that seems to be separate from how much I miss just having a dog, and I feel that if I can eliminate one of those pains, dealing with the other will be just a little easier.
Now I’m just rambling.
So now that I have written a small novel about the complicated life of a very confused college graduate as of 3 measly months…I will move on to more food-related topics. But if there are any recent college grads out there who are feeling very confused about what just happened–or really, anyone who is just feeling sad and confused and have no idea where to go or what to do next–that perhaps stumble upon this, I hope it makes them feel less alone. And may I recommend yoga. It can really help to just go somewhere where the only thing you have to focus in is taking the next breath.
More on the internship from hell, the magic Italian school and adventures in food to come. And, like, tomorrow. Not two months from now. Really.

G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S

Thursday: Computer crashed 11 times. Worked out frustration with cardio kick-boxing. Got frozen yogurt.

Friday: Computer crashed twice. Gave up. Thanked study abroad/my father for getting me a netbook 2 Christmases ago. Sent hate vibes to failed computer.

Saturday: Woke up at 4 AM.  Cleaned up dog vomit. Remembered how intense and creepy The Dark Knight is. Got more frozen yogurt.

Sunday: Woken up at 5, 6, and 11:30. Got a Frappuccino. Read about genetically engineered food. Made a smoothie.

The life of a college graduate in a word?

Glamorous.

Thank you, Universe

Dear Universe (and/or the patrons of Old Navy, TJ Maxx, and my grandfather),

Thank you so much for this lovely cold. I so enjoy when my whole head is invaded by snot and coldness and I can barely think straight. The constant soundtrack of sniffling is just the icing on the cake.

But, I suppose I owe you a genuine thank you, because if nothing else, this summer cold has proven to me that I need to ditch some old habits and focus on eating better and moving more. Silver lining, I suppose.

And to you, dear reader, please excuse this post for its lateness and overall blahness. Last week was filled with talking to fifty people at once, prosecco, cake, and dealing with not being at home for the first summer in my life.

I know I’m sick because last night I made very bland cookies. And ate two.

Now if you will excuse me, I need to go drown myself in seltzer and any other liquid beverages I can find.

Love,

Me

P.S. Eat a carrot or ten for me today. Send on those vitamin-rich vibes, people. I need all the help I can get.

FarmrsMrkt veg