Coming Clean

If any of you just thought of Hilary Duff, please take a moment to slap yourself. I had to do the same. I’ll wait.

I realize it has been a while since I’ve updated. There is a reason. Several, actually, but it’s time to come back. I’m gonna lay it all down for you.


  • Graduate from college.
  • Say goodbye to your best friends in the whole world.
  • Wonder when you will actually see them again in person and not just through a series of new Facebook photos.
  • Move to a new state.
  • Start a new unpaid job that involves shaving chives. Hate every second of it.


  • Visit home.
  • Have graduation party where you explain your current life plan to people you haven’t seen in at least a year.
  • Explain that no, you are not currently getting paid to chop vegetables badly.
  • Eat too much cake.
  • Fly back to current state of residence.
  • Continue to shave chives. Badly.
  • QUIT first job for the first time. Have overachiever meltdown.
  • Laptop crashes 13 times in 24 hours. External hard drive refuses to turn on. Internet stops working on my netbook. Start to panic.
  • Find Italian graduate school. Completely overhaul life plan. Panic.


  • Stop sleeping for longer than 3 hours a night.
  • Drive 910 miles home, moving to another state. Again.
  • Put down my first dog after 11 years. Learn what grief actually is. Fall into complete depression.
  • Discover that application to Italian school involves paper chase of Olympic proportions.
  • Life plan proceeds to fall into black hole.
  • Die a little.
  • Revive. A little.
And that’s been my summer. I swear, the next time someone looks at me and says “come on, what’s the worst that can happen in 3 months?”, I’ll slap them. I think I’ve lost and gained the same 5 pounds 5 times, and have had about as many emotional breakdowns. Losing my dog kind of put the rotten cherry on top of it all; I’ve really never dealt with death before.
Sure, there have been family members I’ve heard about that I met once or twice a decade or two ago, but I grew up in a completely different part of the country from all of my extended family and while I’ve watched tragedy happen and seen how others have dealt with it, I was never really involved. And I know that some people would scoff at the idea of grieving over a dog, but she was a member of my family, and for someone whose family has only ever been the people living in this house, it was devastating. Like someone had suddenly gouged a huge hole in my life and left me to deal with it alone. That pain was like nothing I’d ever quite felt before, and I’ve been through a lot of bad stuff.
And then the utter farce that is dealing with the Italian Consulate happened. I am going to give that one a little more time because I know in a few months I will be able to laugh hysterically at it but right now, it’s just another bullet point on the $hitlist.
I know I haven’t been doing much food blogging recently. Amongst all the other crises, I’ve had a bit of a blogger identity crisis – I really don’t know where I fit in the food blog world! But I would very much like to fit, so I’ll certainly keep tapping away until I find my niche.
Anyway, I felt like I needed to just do one big post about what all has been going on in my life recently, if nothing else just to be able for me to see it all in black and white and deal with it better. I’ve been getting a lot of pressure from a lot of people to do a lot of different things and being the extreme introvert that I am, I’ve just been letting it all build up inside and writing seems to help me.
I do have a ton of pictures from various recent adventures (First visit to Charleston? Food exhibit in DC? Say WHAT?) that my crashed laptop prevented me from posting, but I think the problem is going to be fixed soon. I’ve started applying to a couple different kinds of jobs/internships and have my feet in about 5 different pools, and I’ve also started to actively search for our second dog. Because I miss my dog, and I always will, but that seems to be separate from how much I miss just having a dog, and I feel that if I can eliminate one of those pains, dealing with the other will be just a little easier.
Now I’m just rambling.
So now that I have written a small novel about the complicated life of a very confused college graduate as of 3 measly months…I will move on to more food-related topics. But if there are any recent college grads out there who are feeling very confused about what just happened–or really, anyone who is just feeling sad and confused and have no idea where to go or what to do next–that perhaps stumble upon this, I hope it makes them feel less alone. And may I recommend yoga. It can really help to just go somewhere where the only thing you have to focus in is taking the next breath.
More on the internship from hell, the magic Italian school and adventures in food to come. And, like, tomorrow. Not two months from now. Really.

6 thoughts on “Coming Clean

  1. You are fantastic and whatever adventure you choose, I know that you will not only succeed famously but we get to read your amazingly articulate blogs about it! Post-college graduation is a scary time for everyone- even those who seem to have it all together. Remember that cultural adjustment curve? Well, it applies to more than just cultural adjustment. Life adjustments are applicable, too. 😉

    Glad to see you back!
    Chelsea Kindred

    • Hi Chelsea! Thank you for the comment, it means a lot to hear I’m not actually completely insane/weird. You’re right about the culture shock thing – that might just be a post topic in the near future!! 🙂

  2. Hey Gillian,

    I was thinking about you the other day… while I was packing up my room (moving to a new apartment on Monday), I found the sticky notes you left for me before you left Austin after API PM training–doesn’t that feel like forever ago?! Anyway, I’m sorry to hear that your summer hasn’t been nearly as wonderful as it should be. I know you’ve probably heard enough of the “Life is about the journey, not the destination, blah blah blah” cliches by now (I sure have), so I will simply just send some happy thoughts and good ju-ju for a happy fall your way.

    Being a recent college grad is a tough time of life for anyone, and I’m sure it’s only been exacerbated by all of your trials this summer. Keep your head up–you are a rockin’ lady and you will be successful at whatever career you choose. I’m so happy I got to meet you in Austin last year! If you ever need to talk Italia (and/or the fairly dismal state of us 20-somethings fresh outta college), let me know 🙂


    • hey gab!! thanks for the good ju-ju 😉 i loved meeting you too, that was such a super fun experience!!! i hope your life as a graduate has been less, er, eventful than mine and it IS nice to hear that i’m not alone in this boat. i thought it was so cool that you were published on pink pangea, that was a great article btw! namaste 🙂

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