Weird

The last paper has been written. The last exam taken. I have no reading assignment to procrastinate doing, no presentation to prepare. I am done with my undergraduate work.

Weird doesn’t even begin to describe it.

This week is just as overwhelming as I’d ever imagined it. But I’m not sure there was any way to prepare for the emotions that come with this transition. I’d be lying if I said I was doing just fine.

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Often when I see others bitching about how difficult exams or senior projects are, someone makes the comment “oh just WAIT till you get into the real world, then you’ll just be wishing an exam was your biggest problem.” I generally do not like this person. I find it hard to relate to people who refuse to relate to others.

Perhaps, yes, the “real world” is harder and will have me dreaming of running back into the reliable, predictable arms of academia – but I don’t know that yet. There is no basis of comparison. Right now, this is just as hard as a toddler trying to walk or applying for your fifth job. Everything is relative.

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I’m scared. Scared that I will never live with or see my best friends every single day, scared of taking the next step, scared of leaving this comfort zone I have cultivated for the past 4 years. I’ve always thought of college as the most unique job in the world – one of the very few in which you literally live in the office. I think that’s really easy for most people to overlook and underestimate; how would your life be different if you lived at your job, never able to go home and just get away from it? It’s a different kind of strain than any other.

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I had the absolute best experiences of my life at college. I also experienced the deepest, darkest period of my life there. There are so many feelings, memories, adventures here, and I’m absolutely petrified of walking away.

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But it’s gonna happen. In fact, it’s gonna happen in 2 days, my feelings about it be damned.

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All I have to say is, thank goodness for chocolate and wine. Here’s to the Class of 2011 – one-one-YEAH SON!!!

sr candlelight (4)

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2 thoughts on “Weird

  1. Great post. You’re right. Weird doesn’t begin to describe the way a mother feels about her first child going out into the Big Bad World! This weekend was AMAZING. I cannot WAIT to see your future postings! You have everything in front of you. All of the stuff you think is “behind” you is really just beside you, accompanying you on your journey forward. So far, so GREAT. Can’t wait!

  2. Yeah- thank goodness for chocolate and wine. Elixir of the gods both of them. Moving is one of the most stressful things we do in life. Maybe that is why I have lived in the same house now for 25 years despite all my complaining about Boston! But then again, it is spring and sailing is around the corner! Wine and sailing aren’t bad for the stress relief either!

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